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So you wanna know the truth?
Vampires are the scum of the earth they drink blood and some of them like Victoria Beckham's music. These people need to be put down so how do you know who is a vampire and who isn't? Follow these rules and you will my friend oh you will
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Step One
Do you have two red holes in your neck?
yes - Well then get a lighter and burn them that is the only way to find some sort of cure also look for some science guys they could clone you or summat
no - Well then you are a dumbass so go live your life yeah you better go watch some shit documentary
on channel 5 about fishermen who are also pornstars and end stories with phrases like 'well that was what I called a fishy situation'
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Step Two
Are you afraid of sunlight?
Yes - Well you are either a weirdo or you are a vampire so stay inside or just get outside turn the fucking screen off and get a life you sad pathetic fool jesus is this like your life?
No - Well why are you worried? You shouldn't be You know what you are doing? You are wasting my time and yours go and do what the internet is for gamble on pornography
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Step Three
Do crucifixes repel you?
yes - well then you are a vampire and there is nothing you can do either that or a demon which is just as bad
no - well then you are ok - so how are you fine? me too thanks I am just writing this having a beer. What is beer? You know what is. You dont? Well its um cats urine.
Do you hate garlic?
Yes - Well you are either a vampire or just someone with some taste buds but if it kills you you have a problem
No - Well you are obviously european do you have it on cornflakes?
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